What Doesn’t Kill You

“It’s for the best.”

People say this often to us when we face disappointment or loss.

If they (or you) are religious, then it’s “God knows what’s best for you”.

I got that a lot when I lost my husband two years ago. I still get that when they just found out. I sometimes say it, too, when people ask me what happened, without really thinking what it means. I guess a part of me feels that somehow it’s true.

But how can the worst thing be the best? I found myself thinking from time to time. My verbal self.

Then this morning my visual self came forward and showed me this:

He didn’t really die.

He’s alive somewhere.

He’s healthy and he’s happy.

He’s in love…

…with someone else.

He’s a husband…

…but you’re not his wife.

He has a kid. A daughter. With a face and name exactly like yours…

…but she’s not yours.

He’s alive…

…but he’s living his life without you.

No, no, no, please don’t continue, I said. I get the picture.

I thought I couldn’t bear to live without him. I was wrong. I could. Look at me now. What I could not imagine is having to live my life differently. Not meeting him. Not marrying him. Not having our daughter together. Although I wish he’d stayed a bit longer, to realize our dreams, to watch her grow, to grow old together, I’m glad we did what we did. What could’ve been might crush me, but what we had keeps me going.

Yes, I believe it’s for the best.


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